ADVICE TO A “MAIDEN”, ON HER WEDDING NIGHT

19.   When able to give pleasure, you must seem unable;
When using handcuffs, you must seem inexperienced; when you are close,
your man will work harder if he believes you to be far, far away;
When far away, you must make him believe you are close.

20. Hold out baits to entice your man.  Feign mortification,
and then crush him under the tidal weight of your love juices.

21. If he is secure at all points, be prepared for him.
If he is in superior strength, pin him down and mount him!

22. If your lover is of choleric temper, seek to appease him.
Dress up like a Catholic schoolgirl in pigtails, that he may grow aroused.

23. If he is taking his ease like a lazy stallion, give him no rest.  If his pace
should slacken, allow 5 minutes' reprieve before brandishing the riding crop.

24. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear scantily-clad where
you are not expected. But leave no stains for the in-laws to discover.

Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>